ʏᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ʜᴇʀ : ɪᴏɪᴄʙᴇ (ꜱᴀᴘᴘʜɪᴄꜱ)
CHAPTER 1 : She Was Mine
Yet, in time, the heart,
Will find the strength to mend,
Wounds will start to heal,
And new beginnings to attend.
Emmett Albrecht
"Miss, ano po gagawin natin kay Roxanne?" Tanong ni Ezekiel. Tumingin ako sa kanya kasunod ang pagkrus ng aking mga binti at kamay bago sumandal.
"Why? Patay na ba at tinatanong mo sa akin kung ano ang kailangan gawin sa kanya?" Despite my weak words, the cold feeling could be felt and he met my gaze in return.
"Itutuloy ba natin ang plano sa kanya? Kailan mo gusto ilipat namin si Roxanne sa ground-0?" Sunod niyang tanong at inabot sa akin ang hawak na Ipad, kung saan makikita ang ginagawa ngayon ni Roxanne sa kanyang silid.
"Of course, pagkatapos niya pahirapan ang kapatid ko? Sa tingin mo palalampasin ko?" I ask him and raise an eyebrow. Kung hindi dahil sa higad na babaeng ito, hindi sana naghirap ang kapatid ko.
"Dumating na ba ang mga gamit?" Tanong ko at kaagad ako binigyan ni Ezekiel ng isang tango.
"Anong oras magsisimula ang kasal?" Sunod kong tanong dahil balak ko dumaan kay Roxanne.
"9am, miss."
"Alright, may isang oras pa. Dalhin mo ako kay Roxy," Utos ko sa driver.
Today is a special day, one that a person will never forget. My sister, Axel, is getting married to Lorelei, and I'm happy for them. They finally ended up together... but on the other hand, I'm feeling sad for a woman who is struggling and hurting all alone.
Yes, ang tinutukoy ko ay walang iba kundi si Cindy Arnault.
Well, we met during the time when Ag introduced me to her. Although she may not admit it, it was clear from her gazes towards my sister and the way she treated her ay pansin pa rin ang malalim na pagtingin nito. So, anong dahilan pinakawalan niya ang kapatid ko kung mahal na mahal niya ito?
Bakit mo pakakawalan ang taong mahal mo at ibibigay sa iba kung nasa'yo na? Bakit gano'n lang kadali sa ibang tao ang sumuko ng hindi lumalaban? Bakit? Pag ako nagmahal kahit alam kong mali ay ipaglalaban ko hanggang patayan. Oh well, minsan ko na rin ginawa at nakalaban ang mga kapatid dahil sa kahibangan kong karanasan.
"Where's Cindy?" Tanong ko.
"Nasa hotel pa miss, hindi pa ito umaalis." Sagot ni Ezekiel.
Hindi ko alam kung dadalo si Cindy ngayon sa kasal ng kapatid ko, ang alam ko may invitation na ipinadala si Ag at natanggap 'yun ni Cindy. Hmm, ang sabi sa akin umalis na ito ng bansa pero bakit nandito pa rin siya sa Pinas?
Pagdating namin sa underground, agad kong inilipat si Roxanne sa ground-0.. ang lugar kung saan namin tinatapon ang mga itinuturing naming may malalaking kasalanan, ang mga dapat parusahan hanggang kamatayan.
Pagpasok ko sa silid ay tumambad agad sa akin si Roxanne, ang paborito kong laruan. Nakasuot siya ng puti, nakakadena ang mga kamay at paa, nakahiga sa malamig na metalikong kama. Napangiti ako nang makita ang mga bagong dating na gamot sa tabi niya, mga kemikal na dapat pag-eksperimentuhan.
"Ezekiel, malakas ba ang epekto nito?" Tanong ko.
"Yes, miss, pero sigurado ka ba? Baka hindi kayanin ni Roxanne-" Nag-aalinlangan na sagot ni Ezekiel.
"So what if mamatay siya? Diba mas maganda?" Putol ko, walang intensyon magpahiwatig ng awa.
Nagsuot ako ng gloves at kinuha ang syringe na inabot niya. Isa itong kemikal na unti-unting nakakasira sa pag-iisip.
"Miss-" nagsimula si Ezekiel.
"Quit, Ezekiel. Kung concern ka sa kanya... bakit hindi mo subukan muna?" Sagot ko at itinutok ang syringe sa kanya bilang hamon.
"Hindi... concern lang ako dahil baka malaman ng mga kapatid niyo. Hindi nila alam na meron nang ganito... lalo na at droga pa." Nanginig niyang sabi.
"Okay, tell them? Wala akong pakialam." Malamig kong hamon.
Sandaling nanahimik si Ezekiel, kalaunan tumango na lang at hindi na muling tumutol. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit kay Roxanne at inalis ang harang sa bibig niya.
"Please! Pakawalan mo na ako!"
"Tahimik ka, Roxy," sagot ko at marahas kong pinisil ang pisngi niya. "Alam mong hindi mangyayari ang gusto mo, diba? May bagong balita ako hehe, kasal ngayon ng kapatid ko kay Lorelei. Bakit hindi ka masaya?"
"W-Why are you doing this?" Hirap niyang salita.
"Talagang tinanong mo pa 'yan?" Sarkastiko kong tanong.
Binitawan ko siya at inihanda na ang syringe, pero biglang pinigilan ni Ezekiel ang kamay ko.
"What?" Tanong ko ng mabilis.
"I received a call. Nasa kalagitnaan na ng byahe si Cindy, papuntang simbahan." Ulat niya nang may tensyon.
Lumawak ang ngiti ko... binitiwan ko ang hawak na syringe. "Okay, Roxy. Safe ka muna for now... babalikan kita ha?" Tipid akong ngumiti bago tumalikod at lumabas ng selda.
Habang papalabas ay hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti sa labi. Malinaw sa isip ko ang isang bagay, makikita ko na naman siya.
-
Cindy Arnault
I slip quietly into the back row of the church, not wanting to draw attention. The place is filled with flowers, laughter, and blessings... but none of that touches me. My eyes search the aisle, and there she is.
The woman I once held in my arms, the woman who once whispered her dreams into my chest as if I was her future. She's radiant in white, walking slowly, her smile reserved for the woman waiting at the altar.
My chest tightens, every step she takes toward her is like a nail being driven into me. This is the same woman who once begged me to fight for her, to choose her above everything else. But I didn't. I let her go.
And now, all I can do is watch.
The priest's voice echoes, but I barely hear it. My vision blurs as tears threaten to fall. My heart pounds painfully, whispering the cruelest truth... She was mine. I let her slip away.
When she finally says 'I DO' the sound shatters me. It's like watching the door to a life I could have had being slammed shut forever.
I force a smile, clap my hands softly with the others, pretending I'm just another guest. But deep inside, I am breaking. Because the woman up there, the bride who looks so happy... was once the greatest love of my life.
And I'll carry the weight of letting her go for the rest of my life.
One last glance over my shoulder... She's in her arms now. The love of my life... forever lost.
The wooden doors of the church close behind me with a heavy thud, echoing louder than the applause inside. The sound rings in my ears like a cruel reminder. This is the price of letting go.
The afternoon sky feels wrong. Too bright, too blue, as if the world doesn't care that mine has just fallen apart.
I walk with no direction, only the weight in my chest pulling me forward. My breaths are shallow, my vision blurry. People pass by, smiling, laughing... they don't know that I'm bleeding inside.
By the time I realize it, I'm already at a small bar tucked into the corner of the street. Dim lights, low music, the scent of smoke and alcohol clinging to the air. Perfect for a broken soul.
I slump into the farthest stool. The bartender gives me a glance, then slides a glass my way without a word. Whiskey. Strong, burning... exactly what I need. The first sip sears my throat, and I almost welcome the pain. At least this one I can control. Unlike the ache clawing at my chest, the hollow that grows wider every time her smile flashes in my mind.
One drink turns into two. Then three. The room starts to blur, but the memories sharpen... her laughter, her warmth, the way she once held me like I was her whole world.
I grip the glass tighter. Why did I let her go?
The bar door creaks open, and for a split second, my heart stops thinking it might be her. Foolish. She's dancing in another woman's arms right now, wearing the smile I used to earn. My head drops into my hands. The noise of the bar fades, leaving me with nothing but the hollow silence of regret.
A whisper escapes me, broken and bitter "She was mine... and I let her go."
I ordered another drink. Because tonight, I'll drown this heartache even if I know tomorrow, the pain will rise again with the sun.
I swirl the amber liquid in my glass. The burn doesn't numb the ache! It just slows it down, stretching it like torture. Then, out of the corner of my eye, someone takes the stool beside me. A soft perfume lingers in the air.
"Rough night?" Her voice is gentle, not prying, just enough to be heard over the low hum of the bar.
I didn't look up. I can't. My throat tightens as I force a humorless chuckle. "You could say that. Rough life, maybe."
She doesn't laugh. Instead, she signals to the bartender. "Two more, please. On me."
The bartender nods, sliding the drinks in front of us. She pushes one toward me. Our fingers brush briefly.
I glanced at her for the first time. She's not the kind of beauty that commands the room, but there's something about her eyes... deep, kind, with a glimmer of something I can't name. She holds my gaze a second too long before I look away.
"You don't have to," I mutter.
"I know." She takes a sip from her glass. "But I wanted to."
I grip the drink. Why does she feel... familiar, like I've seen her face in passing but never stopped to notice?
She studies me quietly, like she's memorizing every detail of my brokenness. "You shouldn't drown yourself over someone who never looked back." She whispers.
My chest tightens. I snap my head toward her. "How would you know?"
Her lips part, but she hesitates. Something flashes in her eyes... longing... before masks it with a small smile. "I just... know what it's like to love someone from the shadows. To watch them chase a love that was never meant to last."
For a moment.. the bar... the noise... the alcohol... all of it disappears. It's just me and her. A stranger, yet somehow she's saying the words I've been aching to hear.
The silence between us stretches, but it isn't uncomfortable. It's weighted like there are words hanging just at the edge of her lips.
I lean back, exhaling a shaky breath. "You talk like you know me."
Her eyes soften, flickering with something fragile. "Maybe I do."
That catches me off guard. "We've never met."
A small bittersweet smile touches her face. "Not like this, no. But I've... seen you. Before."
Her face... it really does feel familiar, like a blurred figure in a background I never paid attention to. A classroom? A cafe? A library? Someone who never stepped forward but was always... there.
She takes a sip of her drink, gaze dropping to the counter as if confessing a secret she's held for far too long. "You used to come to that small cafe near the university. Always ordered the same thing. I worked there part-time."
"That was you?"
"You never noticed, and that's fine. I never wanted to disturb your world. But tonight... seeing you like this... it hurt. Because I've watched you give your heart to someone else. And now..." Her voice falters before she gathers herself, looking straight at me. "Now I'm just wondering if I'll regret staying silent forever."
Her words crash into me harder than the whiskey. My chest tightens not just with the pain of what I lost earlier, but with the sudden realization of something I never saw... someone I never saw. I swallow hard, the burn of her words lingering longer than the whiskey. For the first time tonight, my grief feels... interrupted.
"You should've said something," I murmur.
She gives a small, wry laugh. "And what would I have said? 'Hey, I memorize your coffee order, and I think about you more than I should'? You would've thought I was crazy."
A faint smile tugs at my lips despite the ache in my chest. "Maybe... maybe I would've." My voice softens. "But maybe not."
She tilts her head, studying me like she's trying to decide if I mean it. Then she sighs, pushing her untouched glass away. "I never wanted to be another wound for you. Tonight, I just wanted to make sure you weren't... drowning alone."
Her words slice through me, clean and sharp. For hours I'd been spiraling, convincing myself the world was over. Yet here she is... someone I barely noticed before, anchoring me when everything else slipped through my fingers.
I rest my elbows on the bar, staring at the dim light reflecting off the counter. "You know what the worst part of today was? It wasn't seeing her walk down the aisle. It was realizing she smiled brighter for someone else than she ever did for me."
"Then maybe... you were never meant to carry that kind of love. Maybe you're meant for something... someone else."
The night deepens, the bar thinning out until only the hum of soft music and the faint clink of glasses remain. My drink sits half-forgotten in front of me, while she... she stays. No excuses, no pity, just presence.
"You don't have to babysit me, you know." I finally say, though my voice lacks conviction.
"I know," she answers simply. "But I want to."
Those words strike harder than they should. My chest feels heavy, yet lighter because she's here.
I glance sideways at her. She isn't looking at me like I'm broken or pathetic. Instead, her gaze is warm like she's been waiting for me to notice she's been here all along.
"Why?" I ask before I can stop myself. "Why do you care so much?"
Her lips twitch into a sad smile. "Because sometimes... people don't realize how much they matter to someone else. And maybe you'll never feel the same, but..." she shrugs, trying to play it off, "...I care anyway."
The bartender announces the last call. We both glanced at the clock, surprised at how quickly the hours disappeared. She slips on her jacket, then looks at me.
"Let me walk you home."
I should refuse, should say I'm fine on my own. But for the first time tonight, I don't want to be alone. I nod, quietly, and we step out into the cool night air.
The world is silent, except for the rhythm of our footsteps on the pavement. And though my heart still aches from what I lost, there's an unfamiliar warmth growing beside me... fragile, but real.
The next morning, my head was splitting in pain. My eyelids feel heavy as I force my eyes open. This isn't my room. This isn't my bed. A white ceiling, the steady hum of cold air-conditioning, and thick curtains greet me. On the side table I notice an alcohol, and two glasses of water, one still marked with melting ice.
A hotel room?
I sit up abruptly, dizziness hitting me all at once. "How did I get here?" I mutter, pressing my temples. The last thing I remember... I'm at the bar last night, completely drunk, and a stranger sat beside me.
My eyes drift to the other side of the bed. The sheets are untouched. Empty. But on the chair, a coat that definitely isn't mine hangs neatly, and on the table, a small folded note.
You were too drunk to go home. Don't worry, nothing happened. Get some rest. - E.
The paper slips from my hand. Who is E?
Suddenly, I recall the stranger's eyes from the bar last night, as if she can see the pain I try so hard to hide.
The room is dark except for the faint glow of the TV. My thumb trembles on the remote as I press the power button. The screen flickers, and then it hits me like a fist to the chest... Axel and Lorelei's wedding is in the news.
Her face fills the screen. In a white dress I once imagined her wearing beside me. My heart stops. For a moment I forget to breathe.
I sink onto the couch, the remote slipping from my hand. The announcer's voice is muffled under the roaring in my ears. All I can see is her laughing, crying, holding someone else's hands the way she used to hold mine.
My throat tightens until it hurts. "Moncher...Axel..." I whisper, but the sound of her name breaks me. I grab the bottle of alcohol and pour until my glass overflows. My hands are shaking so hard... the liquid spills onto the floor.
"She was mine once," I mutter. "God, she was mine." The words taste like ash. I throw back the drink, but it doesn't burn enough to drown the ache. Nothing does.
I lean forward, staring at the screen, and the memories start flooding in... our late night talks, her laughter against my chest, the way she whispered my name like a secret. And then the moment I let her go. Because I thought I was being noble. Because I thought being too nice was the right thing.
"I let you go," I choke out, gripping the glass until it creaks. "I let you go because I thought that was love."
On the TV, she leans in to kiss her. Cheers erupt from the crowd, and my world caves in. My chest feels hollow but heavy, like I'm being buried alive in my own regret. Tears sting my eyes but I blink them back, swallowing a sound that wants to escape my throat.
"You should've fought for her," I tell myself. "You should've kept her." My reflection on the darkened screen looks like a stranger.
I pour another drink and slam it down. Then another. The images blur but her smile stays sharp, cutting through the haze. My shoulders shake as I press my palms to my eyes. "You idiot. You let her go. And now she's gone forever."
The TV keeps playing. Their vows echo in the room like a funeral bell. And somewhere inside me, something cracks, a soundless break I've been holding off for years.
"I'm sorry," I whisper to no one, to her ghost, to myself. "I'm so sorry."
I drink again, but the pain only grows heavier. It's the kind of pain you don't recover from. The kind of pain that whispers with every heartbeat.
"Oh God. Cindy. She was once yours. You let her go. And now she's someone else's wife."
I sit on the edge of my bed. The silence of the room presses down on me, broken only by the faint buzzing in my ears from all the crying I've done. With a deep shaky breath, I unlock my phone. My thumb hovers over the gallery app, and before I can stop myself... I opened it.
There she is. My Moncher.
Our first picture together... her smile brighter than the sun, her hand clutching mine like she never wanted to let go. I swipe. Another photo of me teasing her. Swipe again. A video of her singing, pointing at me with mock seriousness and I was laughing so much I couldn't even hold the camera steady.
My throat burns.
Every swipe is another stab. Another reminder. Another what if.
I pause at a video of us sitting under the rain, drenched, but laughing as though nothing else mattered in the world. "Promise me... you won't ever let me go, okay?" Her voice echoes through the speaker.
I slam my hand against my mouth, trying to hold back the sob that tears its way out anyway.
"I did..." I whisper hoarsely. "I let you go."
I curl into myself, phone clutched against my chest, as if pressing it harder will bring her back. But all I feel is the cold glass, the ghost of warmth that's long gone. Tears stream endlessly as I replay the same video over and over, punishing myself with the sight of what I lost. The happiness I once held. The love that was once mine.
I let her go because I thought I wasn't enough... and now Lorelei has everything I threw away.
My tears blur the screen. I replay her laugh, her smile, her little quirks in every photo and video. Each memory is a knife twisting deeper into my chest. My hand is shaking so badly that when I try to wipe my face, my thumb accidentally brushes against her contact. Her name lights up my screen.
I freeze. My breath hitches.
I shouldn't. God, I shouldn't.
But my heart... my heart is louder than reason, I hit the call.
The dial tone echoes, slow and cruel. Each ring feels like a lifetime. My stomach knots, my chest pounds, and part of me prays she won't answer. That I can hang up and pretend this never happened.
But then-
"Hello?" Her voice. Soft. Familiar. Like coming home to a place I destroyed with my own hands.
I choke on a sob. "A-A..."
Silence. Then, a sharp intake of breath from her side.
"It's me," I whisper brokenly. "I... I can't stop thinking about you. About us. About everything we had. I'm sorry, I should've fought harder, I should've never let you go-"
I hear her shaky exhale. The sound of Axel's voice faintly in the background, and the pain multiplies.
"You... you sound drunk," she says carefully, almost coldly. "You shouldn't have called."
But even through the distance, I swear I hear it... the tiny crack in her tone, the pain she's trying to hide.
"Please," I beg. "Just tell me... even if it's a lie... that you were happy with me once. Please, Axel. That's all I need."
For a long moment, there's nothing but silence. Then, so faint I almost miss it-
"...I was... Cin..."
The line cuts.
My face is wet, my hands are shaking, and my chest hurts so much it feels like my heart is physically tearing. The pain is so loud, so heavy, I almost can't hear my own sobs anymore.
Minutes blur into an hour. My body starts to feel numb but the pain in my chest is still there, burning. My head is pounding. My eyes sting from the salt of my tears. I try to breathe but my lungs won't cooperate. The walls are closing in. My heart keeps screaming for her.
And then everything just goes black.
The last thing I feel is a tear sliding down my cheek before the world fades. I slump sideways onto the cold floor, phone still clutched in my hand, as the darkness swallows me whole.
Emmett Albrecht
Sa kalagitnaan ng seremonya ng kasal, natanaw ko siya sa malayo na mag-isa, luhaan, at pilit na pinapanuod ang babaeng pinakamamahal niya... ang kapatid kong ikinakasal sa iba. Hindi ang kasal nina Axel at Lorelei ang laman ng isip ko kundi si Cindy lang. Gusto ko siyang lapitan, yakapin, at sabihing tama na, pero alam kong hindi ito ang tamang oras. Mahigpit kong naikuyom ang mga kamay. Ilang taon na ba ang lumipas? Mahal na mahal pa rin niya ang kapatid ko.
"Bakit mo pa siya pinalaya kung hindi mo naman pala kaya?" Mahina kong bulong sa sarili.
"Huh? May sinabi ka ba, Emmett?" Tanong ni R.
Umiling ako. "Wala."
Tanga talaga siya, tanga sa naging desisyon niya. Dahil lang sa kagustuhan niyang maging masaya si Ag, pinakawalan niya ang pag-ibig. Bakit hindi niya ipinaglaban? Bakit siya mismo ang sumuko? Tapos ngayon, siya ang nagdurusa.
"Kamusta na pala kayo ni Jem?" Sunod na tanong ni R saka ako tinitigan.
"Wala kaming dalawa." Sagot ko ng diretso.
"Talaga bang wala ka nang nararamdaman sa kanya?" Dagdag niya.
"Wala na. Tapos na ako kay Jem at isa pa..." tipid akong ngumiti at muling tumingin kay Cindy, "...may iba na akong gustong makuha."
Napansin kong sinundan ni R ang paningin ko. "Napansin mo rin pala siya..." bulong niya.
"Matagal na." Sagot ko.
"Nasasaktan ako para sa kanya," mahinang paliwanag ni R. "Pero wala tayong magagawa kundi tanggapin. Kung sana pinili niya noon si Ag... mahal na mahal siya ni Ag, pero si Cindy ang sumuko sa relasyon nila."
"I don't care. Tripleng pagmamahal ang ibibigay ko sa kanya." Sagot ko nang walang halong biro.
Napalingon si R sa akin, gulat ang mukha. "Emmett... don't tell me-"
Humarap ako sa kanya, diretso ang tingin. "Yes. Gusto ko siya. Gusto ko siyang maging akin."
"Emmett, ayaw kong masaktan ka. Alam mong mahirap. Mahal na mahal niya si Ag at hindi ko alam kung magmamahal pa siya ul-"
"R," putol ko sa kanya, malamig ang tinig. "Hindi ikaw ang magdedesisyon sa bagay na 'yan. Ilang taon na akong naghihintay... nananahimik at palihim siyang sinusubaybayan. Kung nagawa mong mapaibig si ZB, kaya ko rin gawin 'yun."
Hindi ako nagbibiro.
"Kung sa tingin mo sasaktan ko siya tulad noon, nagkakamali ka... hindi ko na ulit sasayangin ang pagkakataon." Mariin kong sabi.
"Hindi naman sa gano'n," sagot niya, may bahid ng pag-aalala sa tinig. "Ayaw ko lang masaktan ka ulit."
"Masaktan man o hindi, desisyon ko na 'yun," diretsong tugon ko. "Don't worry too much, hindi na ako ang babaeng mapanakit."
Hindi ako mananakit maliban na lang kung unahan ako.
Doon ko napansin si Cindy. Umalis siya, para bang nawalan ng lakas ang buong katawan niya. Luhaan siyang naglakad palayo ng simbahan at imbes na lapitan ay pinili kong sumunod nang palihim mula sa di-kalayuan. Parang lantang gulay siyang nakalakad, hanggang sa tuluyang pumasok sa isang bar.
"I knew it." Mahina kong bulong bago ko kinuha ang cellphone at tinawagan si Ezekiel.
"Dalhan mo ako ng bagong damit. I'll send you the location." Mabilis kong utos sabay putol ng tawag.
Pailing-iling akong napangiti ng mapait. "Maglalasing ka? As if may magagawa 'yan sa nararamdaman mo."
Sa pagpasok ko sa bar, agad akong sinalubong ng maingay na musika at amoy ng alak na bumabalot sa paligid. Madilim, tanging mga ilaw na kumikislap lang ang nagbibigay liwanag. Doon ko siya agad nakita-si Cindy, nakasandal sa lamesa, hawak ang baso ng whiskey at halatang wala na sa sarili.
Mula sa malayo, pinanood ko siya. Ilang oras akong nanatili sa sulok, nagmamasid, binabantayan kung may lalapit. Ilang beses siyang sinubukang kausapin ng ibang lalaki pero agad niyang tinataboy. Kahit lasing ay alam pa rin niya ang ginagawa.
Ngunit habang tumatagal, lalong lumalalim ang pamumula ng kanyang mga mata at paminsan-minsan ay napapapikit siya na para bang gusto nang bumigay ang katawan.
Hindi ko na natiis. Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan at dahan-dahang nilapitan siya.
Kinausap ko siya, pero halata sa mga mata niya na hindi niya ako makilala. Sabagay at isang beses lang naman kami nagkita noon... noong isinama ako ni Axel para ipakilala sa kanya. Pero kahit gano'n, talaga bang hindi man lang siya nagkaroon ng kahit kaunting alaala tungkol sa akin?
Ako kasi tandang-tanda ko siya. Ilang beses ko siyang pinagsilbihan sa cafe kung saan ako nagtatrabaho noon, malapit lang sa PU. Hindi ko makakalimutan kung paano siya ngumiti noon, kahit simpleng customer lang siya.
Hindi ako nagpakilala bilang si Emmett. Sa halip, sinabi ko lang sa kanya na isa akong waitress. At least, doon siya bahagyang natauhan at ngumiti na para bang may naalala kahit kaunti.
Hinayaan ko na lang siya. Binantayan ko mula sa tabi, hinayaan kong uminom at ilabas lahat ng bigat sa dibdib niya. Paminsan-minsan kinakausap ko siya... mga simpleng salita lang para kahit paano'y gumaan ang nararamdaman niya. Sa bawat sagot niyang lasing at mabigat, lalo kong nakikita kung gaano pa rin kalaki ang sugat sa puso niya.
Lumalalim na ang gabi at halatang hindi na niya kayang tiisin ang alak. Kaya nagpasya akong ihatid siya... kaso ang problema ay nakalimutan ko kung saang hotel siya naka-check in. Sa huli, napilitan akong dalhin siya sa pinakamalapit na hotel.
Habang nakasakay siya sa aking likuran, halos mabigla ako sa bigla niyang pagkilos. May tinatawagan siya. Tahimik lang ako, pinapakinggan lang ang bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya habang naglalakad ako karga-karga siya.
Mag-a-alas dos na ng umaga. Sino ang tinatawagan niya sa ganitong oras?
Biglang dumaloy ang malamig na kilabot sa katawan ko nang marinig ko ang boses ng kapatid ko sa kabilang linya... naka speaker pa ang tawag.
"A... I can't... It hurts so much... I've tried so many times, I've forced myself over and over to forget... but I can't... I just can't. I still love you so much... I regret my decision more than anything. If only I could turn back time... I would never let you go. I'm sorry... please... I need you..." Humagulhol siya nang tuluyan at ako naman ay mapait na nakikinig sa mga salitang hirap na hirap siyang bitawan.
"Cin, nasaan ka? Lasing ka ba? Please, 'wag mo naman pahirapan ang sarili mo..." Narinig kong boses ni Axel sa kabilang linya.
"I'm struggling so much... I'm hurting because of you. I want you back..."
Sumikip ang dibdib ko nang marinig ko 'yun. Para bang ako ang binagsakan ng lahat ng bigat ng kanilang nakaraan. Mas lalo pang lumakas ang iyak ni Cindy at doon na tuluyang bumigat ang mga paa ko.
"Cin... kasal na ako kay Maia..."
Nanlata ang katawan ni Cindy sa narinig. Parang ako rin ay nahulog sa kailaliman. Pinakawalan ko ang isang pilit na hinga habang pinapasan siya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa lamig ng madaling-araw o sa kirot ng katotohanan, pero para akong giniginaw sa loob-loob ko.
Ibinaba ko siya sa gilid, hinubad ang makapal kong jacket at isinuot kay Cindy bago ko kinuha ang cellphone niyang hawak.
"Cin, nasaan ka? Ipapasun-"
"It's me. Ako na ang bahala sa kanya."
"E-Emmett?" Gulat niyang tanong.
"Yes. Goodnight." Sagot ko saka pinatay ang tawag.
Ibinaba ko ang paningin sa babaeng yakap-yakap ang mga tuhod, humihikbi ng malakas. Tipid akong ngumiti bago lumuhod para pag pantayin ang tingin namin.
"It's okay to cry. Nasasaktan ka, pero sana dumating 'yung panahon na ikaw naman ang maging malaya at masaya. Come on, stop crying... Close your eyes and rest."
Hinayaan ko siyang umiyak nang husto hanggang sa niyakap niya ako, ibinaon ang mukha sa aking leeg. Binuhat ko siya, hindi man ako sobrang laki at malakas, pero ang gaan-gaan niya, halatang matagal na siyang hindi kumakain nang maayos at parang walang lakas sa katawan.
Pagdating sa hotel, agad ko siyang inilapag sa kama at nagpatawag ng mga taong maglilinis sa kanya. Naghintay ako hanggang tuluyan siyang makatulog.
Buong magdamag hindi siya huminto sa pag-iyak, paulit-ulit niyang binanggit ang pangalan ng kapatid ko.
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